Before I joined Weight Watcher’s a year ago, I never went to Subway. Ever. I’d evolved through all the various fast food options to a Grilled House Salad from Zaxby’s with honey mustard dressing for lunch practically every day. I had no idea my healthy salad costs 26 Weight Watcher’s points–better than half of my daily point allowance.

These days I usually run home for a salad I put together with various greens, olive oil vinaigrette dressing (because it’s healthy), fat-free cheddar cheese, a few croutons (I’m addicted to the Texas Toast black pepper and sea salt croutons), and either a can of white tuna or something left over from dinner the night before, like a grilled chicken breast. But every now and then, I either don’t have time to come home or simply want something different.

Subway is about the only fast food place with healthy options that actually taste good. I gave up on the salads because I’m just not a fan of shredded iceberg lettuce. I can eat a sub now and then, and a six-inch turkey with veggies on wheat is a fourth as many points as my Zaxby’s salad. I’m also a huge fan of the Subway breakfast flatbread sandwich. I get it with egg white only and no meat or cheese because at about 9, it’s still a lot of points for breakfast.

There are three Subways that, depending on which way I’m heading out, are convenient to my house. The closest is in the Walmart about a mile away. There’s another next door to our gym that’s about two miles away. The third one is located a few blocks from my office and is like six miles from my house. I hate all three of them, but for different reasons.

Dealing with Walmart traffic and parking can be a challenge–especially for food from Subway. Frankly, it’s just not worth it. We’ll head over early in the morning for a flatbread sandwich now and then, but because they’re twice as many points as I usually eat for breakfast, it’s a rare thing anymore.

On the rare occasions when I do go, the woman who works there is usually standing out front of Walmart smoking a cigarette. She follows me in to take my order and make my sandwich. The toaster thingy isn’t working and they’re out of  cheddar cheese. Is that okay?

The gym location is the most poorly run Subway of the three.  Here, too, they’re often out of something I wanted and on occasion, are down to just three vegetables: lettuce, jalapeños, and black olives. The toaster thingy and the microwave were broke at the same time, and the toaster stayed broken for days. They always have lots of people working, but only one person making sandwiches while everyone else does things that are obviously more important than waiting on customers. On several occasions they’ve been closed hours after they were supposed to open.

The Subway close to my office is the best of the three, sorta. Here the problem is that the hands-on owner cuts corners everywhere he possibly can. He and his employees will meticulously place two spinach leaves, three strips of green pepper, four slivers of onion, four olives, and two banana peppers on the sandwich. Ask for more and they’ll double what’s already there, but no more. He’s got a high volume location near campus and probably has the highest profit margin of any Subway in the world.

This morning I stopped at El Cheapo Subway on the way to my office for a flatbread breakfast sandwich. I know, but it’s Friday and I felt like splurging. Besides, for the last month, me and my diet really haven’t been speaking to each other. I had a cream-filled doughnut later. Loved it.

Anyway, as I was walking up to place my order, the dude in front of me came back to the counter from his table to ask for a napkin. The hands-on owner said, “It’s in the bag.”

Still at the counter, the dude replies, “No, I didn’t see one.”

“Check the bag. I’m sure it’s in there.”

Dude walks back to his table, picks up his bag, and looks inside. “Yeah here it is.”  He pulls out one napkin. “Sorry, I didn’t see it.”

Hands-on owner smiles. “No problem.”

Honest. That’s exactly how it happened. Why didn’t the owner give the poor boy a damn napkin? I mean seriously,  how much does a friggin’ napkin cost? Never mind that I had to wait through the entire exchange for him to get around to taking my order.

And that’s the problem with Subway. I’ve yet to set foot in one that ran as well as every Chick-Fil-A I’ve ever seen. The Hand’s On Owner’s place is spotless, but he’s usually the only employee so it takes forever to get out. Today I had to wait to pay for mine while he made two more sandwiches–probably to save on plastic gloves. I hear he’s hard to work for, too. I bet.

I complain, but we’ll be back. I’m pretty sure they put crack or something similar in that flat bread. We can’t get enough of it here in…

My Glass House