Lost in iSpace

on Oct 19, 2012 by Michael Rupured

Last Saturday, I finally got around to switching from Android and a piece of shoddy engineering known as the LG Ally to the beautiful and magnificent iPhone 4S. Now I know how Helen Keller must have felt when she figured out how to communicate with the world around her. OMG! It’s like the fifth dimension opened up to me–an alternate universe that only some people know exists.

And now, my friends, I am one of them.

I get it! Now those people you see with the devices permanently clutched in the left hand are my kindred spirits. More than that, we are one with the iUniverse.

I love it here in iSpace so much that the real world doesn’t much appeal to me anymore. Nope. My iPhone is where it’s at–my gateway to information, beautifully linked and synced so that sharing between different devices and various social media is effortless. Just thinking about it makes me shudder with pleasure.

After countless failed attempts to post pictures or comment on Facebook from my Android, I finally removed the memory-sucking App and gave up. The camera took thumbnail photos–blow them up for someone with my eyes and they were too grainy to see. P.O.S. Every single App I tried failed to work the way it was supposed to. Even after removing all that I could, every update produced a message informing me that my memory was full. About a year ago I finally disabled updates.

Remembering makes my blood pressure go up. I want to take a sledge hammer to my old LG Ally, douse the P.O.S. with gasoline and set it on fire, then drive over the sorry device with my car until nothing’s left but dust and char. Two years I could have been in iSpace instead of wasting my time with that App-tease.

The camera on my iPhone takes great pictures and is MUCH easier to use. In iSpace, we view the world through the lens of our iPhone camera, sharing what we see whether by email, Facebook, Twitter or whatevah with a swipe and a click. It feels so good I just can’t stop.

In iSpace, there are no mysteries. The answer to every imaginable question is just a few auto-corrected touches away. Can’t type? Use the voice command. I haven’t tried that yet. Why go all the way to home plate when I’m enjoying myself so much on second base?

After more than two years in an abusive relationship with my Android, I have a greater appreciation for the kind and gentle ways of my iPhone. Sigh. My iPhone is so good to me–always there when I want it.

We sleep together now. Yes. It’s true. In iSpace, there is no day or night–just always. I have to stay connected. Must check email and update my Facebook status. It only takes a minute–every twenty minutes…or less. Now if I can just figure out how to make it do all the chores for me here in…

My Glass House

 

7 Comments

  1. CathyB says:

    Yay! It’s fun to play with the cool kids, isn’t it???

  2. Oh my, your post made me laugh! I totally get how you feel though as I had the same experience. Have fun with your new phone!

  3. Amy says:

    Addictive personality, much? 🙂
    And this: “Why go all the way to home plate when I’m enjoying myself so much on second base?” really made me laugh!

    I don’t even have the latest version of the iPhone and I’m always poking at the damn thing. I get notifications when certain people tweet (you among them) so the screen is always flashing. It’s oddly comforting.

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