Filling the Void
Three weeks ago, my world forever changed when my companion of nearly seventeen years unexpectedly passed away. Grief is no stranger to me. Lots of people who were important to me have died. But this time is different.
We’ve lived together for years. The few months he wasn’t living with me, we saw each other just about every day. A month is the longest we’ve ever been apart — and that only happened once. His death leaves a huge empty space in my life.
Writing in my journal has eaten up big chunks of my time. Entries since he passed are letters to him about things he was interested in, what I’ve been up to, and how I’m feeling. The letters help me process what has happened and provide perspective.
Thinking about a future without him and the things we’ll never get to do fills me with grief. But wishing he was still here won’t bring him back. He’s gone. Life goes on, and so must I. It’s what he’d want, too.
My life is far from empty. I’m grateful for a great job, my writing career, and good health. I’m neither helpless nor shy, and am blessed with friends I can call upon if I need something or want to talk.
Things will work out. They always do. I’m excited and a little terrified. For the first time possibly ever, I can do whatever I want without having to worry about what anyone else wants. What that will look like is anyone’s guess. I’ll keep you posted.