Filling the Void

on Apr 09, 2018 by Michael Rupured

Three weeks ago, my world forever changed when my companion of nearly seventeen years unexpectedly passed away. Grief is no stranger to me. Lots of people who were important to me have died. But this time is different.

We’ve lived together for years. The few months he wasn’t living with me, we saw each other just about every day. A month is the longest we’ve ever been apart — and that only happened once. His death leaves a huge empty space in my life.

Writing in my journal has eaten up big chunks of my time. Entries since he passed are letters to him about things he was interested in, what I’ve been up to, and how I’m feeling. The letters help me process what has happened and provide perspective.

Thinking about a future without him and the things we’ll never get to do fills me with grief. But wishing he was still here won’t bring him back. He’s gone. Life goes on, and so must I. It’s what he’d want, too.

My life is far from empty. I’m grateful for a great job, my writing career, and good health. I’m neither helpless nor shy, and am blessed with friends I can call upon if I need something or want to talk.

Things will work out. They always do. I’m excited and a little terrified. For the first time possibly ever, I can do whatever I want without having to worry about what anyone else wants. What that will look like is anyone’s guess. I’ll keep you posted.

4 Comments

  1. Praying for you during this time of life adjustment. It’s been almost 3 years since my father has passed and I find that I still have moments of pain/tears. My memories help to get me through and I, too, will move forward. and know there are many who love you and are only a call or text away!!!

    • Michael Rupured says:

      Thank you, Cheryl. I don’t know where I’d be without great friends–like you. My Aunt Toodles passed away in 2004 and I still have trouble talking about her. Time makes things easier. Thanks for stopping by…

  2. CathyB says:

    Keep writing letters to him. That will probably help more than anything. And like Garth says, “I could have missed the pain, but I’d have had to miss the dance.” Deep grief comes with the loss of deep love. Remembering you in my prayers.

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