The Crotchety Old Man

Nov 02, 2011
By Michael Rupured

On Motorized Shopping Carts

Last week I ran into a coworker I don’t see all that often. He’s lost more than twenty pounds since I saw him last. We stopped to talk and complimented each other on our slimmer waistlines. We talked about our motivation. Like me, he’s dealing with minor health issues that will either improve or go away all together if he just loses some weight.  He also admits that while better health is a good reason, the real motivation for his change in eating and exercise habits is a desire to avoid becoming one of the people you see riding those motorized carts at Walmart. I’m also motivated by the folks I see at Walmart. However,knowing some of those riders have …

Nov 01, 2011
By Michael Rupured

The Zumba King

Honestly, there are few things I dislike more than exercising.  One of them is sweating. Getting hot enough to sweat is another. As you might imagine, these dislikes pose quite a challenge to my desire for an active lifestyle. In truth, I abhor an active lifestyle. If I had my druthers, I’d spend every available hour on my ever-expanding ass in front of the television eating pizza, fried chicken, and every imaginable flavor of ice cream.  But alas, after giving that lifestyle my best shot for a number of years, I discovered it wasn’t really working for me. I’ve tried to be more active before. Riding my bicycle has been the only form of exercise I could even pretend to …

Oct 28, 2011
By Michael Rupured

Stuck!

Three weeks ago, I all but finished writing Addicted, my first work of fiction. The main elements of the story are finished. All that’s left is to write a chapter or two to wrap things up. I would have finished it three weeks ago, but I couldn’t figure out how to get from where I was to where I wanted the book to end. It’s not a case of writer’s block. If it was, I wouldn’t even be able to blog. I’m just stuck. I’ve been stuck like this before. The first time was early in the process of writing Glass Houses.  For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out how to advance the story. After reading a draft, …

Oct 26, 2011
By Michael Rupured

My Chihuahuas

About this time three years ago, my partner finally convinced me that we needed a dog. Having had cats and tropical fish for most of the previous three decades, I was enjoying a pet-free existence. Having always had a dog, my partner felt differently. After five years of him begging to get a puppy, being the sweet man you all know me to be, I finally relented. The only dog he’d ever heard me speak highly of was Fuzzy, a black, long-haired Chihuahua my godmother had when I was growing up. Fuzzy was the cutest little dog I’d ever seen. He died young, somehow the result of having knocked up a Labrador Retriever. My godmother kept his progeny, Simmy (an …

Oct 23, 2011
By Michael Rupured

On Becoming A Gym Rat

I never saw it coming. Nobody who knows me or who has ever known me would have predicted it, either. I have become a gym rat. According to the Urban Dictionary, a gym rat is: One who spends entirely too much time partaking in muscle building, strength training, cardiovascular, or aerobic activity. Specifically, one who does so at a health club or gym. Believe it or not, I now hit the gym six days a week. Sometimes it’s just for a one-hour class. Today I spent almost three hours at the gym. And no, smartass, I’m not just watching the men lifting weights. My personal trainer, Armand (pronounced with the accent on the first syllable so that it rhymes with …

Oct 21, 2011
By Michael Rupured

DeFriending Prevention

When I first got onto Facebook in April of 2009, I accepted and sent friend requests to anyone and everyone. This wanton love for my fellow man ended up being a big mistake. Turns out, one should never friend certain people. In March of the following year, I spent several hours defriending more than seventy people. Although the process of removing “undesirables” from my list of Facebook friends was enjoyable, the fall-out was intense. I learned that defriending is an extreme act. Unless you intend to sever all contact forever and ever amen, one should avoid it unless and until it becomes absolutely necessary. Since the Great Defriending, I’ve tried to be a lot more selective about sending and accepting …

Oct 20, 2011
By Michael Rupured

Magazine Overload

In college I majored in consumer studies and family resource management. Rather than a textbook, many of my professors compiled packets of articles from academic journals and weekly news magazines that we had to purchase from Kinko’s. Nowadays they make this kind of information available to students online. All the weekly news magazines were represented in these packets. But for some reason, the articles in U.S. News & World Report appealed to me more than articles from Time or Newsweek. Within a semester or two, I paid for a subscription to U.S. News & World Report which I continued until last year when they stopped printing magazines and switched to an online format. Staying up on current event is important …

Oct 19, 2011
By Michael Rupured

Prodigious Produce

Now that we eat healthy all the damn time, a weekly trip to the grocery store is woefully inadequate. Despite a major shopping trip on Sunday, we often need to return at least once or twice a week for additional fresh produce.  I went to the store yesterday to pick up more fruit and vegetables. I only needed a few things: bananas, blueberries, a tub of lettuce, Oil of Olay (for my beautiful complexion), and deodorant (because I work out every damn day and don’t want to stink). In fact, my list was so short I didn’t even bother writing it down. Since I didn’t have a list, I really didn’t need my glasses so I left them in the …

Oct 17, 2011
By Michael Rupured

Things Missed

As you may have gathered, I had a rip-roaring good time during my visit to Kentucky.  It was fun catching up with friends and family I haven’t seen for too long, eating food from my past that’s not available here in Athens, and dancing until after midnight.  I’m exhausted, bloated, and three pounds heavier than I was before the trip. Though I did much better than I usually do when I go home, there were quite a few people I didn’t get a chance to see.  Some I hoped to see at the reunion but they couldn’t come.  Most the rest were family members. More time would have been nice but simply wasn’t an option. Lexington is the thoroughbred horse …

Oct 16, 2011
By Michael Rupured

Home Again–Days Three & Four

After staying out until after one o’clock and then laying in bed for an hour or more reflecting on everything that happened at the reunion, getting up Saturday morning was a chore. Sleeping in wasn’t an option. I had plans to hook up with my cousins for breakfast at Frisch’s–another crappy place I like going to whenever I’m in Lexington. I got to Frisch’s a few minutes before nine o’clock with no idea of who or how many people were coming. My cousin Marilyn showed up first with her husband and darling grandson in tow. We waited a few minutes and then got a table. Over the next twenty minutes, dozens of Glass cousins and their children and grandchildren turned …

Oct 15, 2011
By Michael Rupured

Home Again–Day Two

After completing week four, day three of the Couch to 5K running program on the treadmill yesterday morning, I got cleaned up and headed downstairs for the free breakfast buffet at my hotel. Meh. There were no danishes or donuts or pastries. I had a reasonably healthy breakfast of scrambled eggs in a flour tortilla with a couple of strips of bacon (the real thing, not that turkey crap I’ve been eating), and some canned peaches and pineapple. I made up for my healthy breakfast at lunch. My dear friend, Robin, picked me up at the hotel. She’s an important but minor character in Glass Houses who, as it turns out, knew even then that I was gay. It’s probably …

Oct 14, 2011
By Michael Rupured

Home Again–Day One

Yesterday I woke up sore from thirty brutal minutes spent with my trainer Wednesday afternoon. I’d planned to get my Couch to 5K run in before leaving for Kentucky, but between my sore butt and legs and a desire to get on the road early, I decided to postpone the run. I ate my usual breakfast of Greek Yogurt and berries.  Having packed everything but my toothbrush and deodorant the night before, I left the house at exactly eight o’clock–thirty minutes later than I’d hoped, but still plenty early. My GPS said I would arrive in Lexington at two-twenty-six p.m. I popped the first of twelve disks into the CD player to listen to John Grisham’s “The Confession” and headed …

Oct 11, 2011
By Michael Rupured
Comments Off on Countdown to the Big Event

Countdown to the Big Event

I started getting ready for my 35-year high school reunion six months ago. Thursday I’m driving up to Lexington. Friday is the big day. The first major preparation was to get off the couch where I’d resided for most of the last five years. You could say I was working on my abs, or maybe my ass with exercises like the pizza lift, the carb overload, and the finger-licking fat roll. As a result, I was bigger than I’ve ever been in my life–and we ain’t talking muscles. When a month of riding my bike failed to produce the kind of results I needed to reach my goal, I started Weight Watchers. Along the way I figured out that my …

Oct 11, 2011
By Michael Rupured

National Coming Out Day

Society has come a long way since 1979–the year I came out.  I never dreamed we’d see gay marriage (now legal in a small number of states) or Emmy-winning television shows featuring gay characters. In honor of National Coming Out Day, I’m retelling my story about that fateful night. In 1979, I worked second shift full-time at a hospital in Lexington, KY.  I had benefits, the money was good, and it was always possible to pick up an extra shift for time-and-a-half pay.  I moved out of my parents’ house, went to parties with the nurses after work, and was frankly too busy to be bothered with anything as mundane as school. The shift rotation was such that I was …

Oct 09, 2011
By Michael Rupured

You Talking to Me???

So the big Values Voter Summit wrapped up today in Washington, DC.  The summit is billed as the premier event for conservatives and a “must attend” event for any Republican running for President. Since I’m neither conservative nor a candidate for president, I didn’t go. The summit was sponsored by several organizations identified by the Southern Poverty Law Center as hate groups including the Family Resource Council and the American Family Association. Additional sponsors include Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University and the Institute for American Values. Nazis, skinheads, and the Ku Klux Klan apparently missed out on this great opportunity to meet with like-minded individuals. I’ve seen a lot of reports from the summit and checked out the web site. What …

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