Category: Humor

Nov 11, 2013
By Michael Rupured
Comments Off on My $85 Watch Battery–Revisited

My $85 Watch Battery–Revisited

The watch I wear everyday stopped running again. The battery lasted from March, 2010 to just the other day. I call that a good value, even at $85. This time, I went straight to the watch store. Here’s the story, reprinted from 2010, of how I came to pay $85 for a watch battery. Almost every watch I’ve ever owned was a Timex. I had a Swatch once, but somebody stole it. Nobody ever wanted my Timex watches. They took a licking and kept on ticking until I either stopped winding them or quit replacing batteries. My ex bought me a nice watch for Christmas (2008). I’m sure he was disappointed by my lack of interest in fancy features. He’s …

Sep 12, 2013
By Michael Rupured

Masculine Enhancement

Listening to talk radio on long drives keeps me from falling asleep. Depending on traffic, a few minutes of Rush Limbaugh can keep me seething for a good fifty miles. Though his partisan rants are intended to amuse, the real entertainment comes from some of the ads — especially the ads for masculine enhancement. For the uninitiated, uninformed, or blissfully unaware, masculine enhancement is a radio-friendly euphemism for penis enlargement. That’s right, ladies (and both of the men who read my blog), your man can now buy pills, potions, devices, and exercise plans guaranteed to add inches to his… er, masculinity. Looking for a gift for the man who has everything?  Rare, indeed, is the guy who wouldn’t mind another inch …

Mar 26, 2013
By Michael Rupured

Bitch Wanted: Inquire Within

I ain’t rich yet, but at 55, there’s still time for me to die a wealthy man. Inheriting a ton of money remains a possibility. Mom buys lottery tickets, and if she ever wins, well… I’ll be rich. If I wasn’t too cheap to buy a ticket, I could win the lottery. It could happen. My cheapness is a defining characteristic. This is not the same as being thrifty. Nope. Huge difference. A thrifty person doesn’t waste money. Someone who is thrifty knows the $100 model is sometimes a better buy than the $19.95 model I always prefer. I’m cheap, not thrifty. I’m too cheap to pay someone to do things I’m perfectly capable of doing myself. Of course, things …

Jan 22, 2013
By Michael Rupured

The Way We Were

Some of you probably remember the way things were before the Internet made anyone with a Smartphone or a computer a know-it-all. Okay, who am I kidding? Nobody much under forty reads my blog. As memory loss is far more likely to be an issue, let me remind you. When a question came up, we would often spend hours arguing about the answer. One camp would swear on everything sacred that Movie A had been made before Movie B, and that so-and-so was in both films but Kevin Bacon was not.  Everyone staked out varying and usually conflicting opinions on the subject. If it went that far, somebody called Aunt Gertrude because she adores Kevin Bacon and was old enough to …