The Crotchety Old Man

Today I did something I’ve never done before. In fact, I’d never even thought about doing it. Truth be told, it wasn’t even something I’ve ever really wanted to do. But I did it, and now I hope it wasn’t a mistake. In a recent post (Resigned, September 21), I wrote that I had started Couch to 5K (C25K) and was thinking about joining a gym. I’m happy to report that so far, I’ve stuck with the C25K program. Running hurts less and is getting easier. I’m even thinking about signing up for the 4th Annual Chilly Dawg 5K Run scheduled for late January, 2012. Yeah, me–I’m as shocked as you are. But that’s not what I did today. Actually, …

When I first moved to Athens from DC nearly fifteen years ago, that Atlanta was “so close” was a plus. Then I found out that depending on traffic, the 65-mile trip can take anywhere from one to three hours. There are several different routes I can take–none of them pleasant. I’ve reached the point where I won’t go to Atlanta without a court order or subpoena. My partner got tickets for us to see a matinee performance of Wicked at the beautiful Fox Theater in downtown Atlanta. We decided to make a day of it.  Since we would be in town, in addition to the one o’clock show, we decided to hang around for dinner at one of the numerous …

That I am a slow learner is one of several themes throughout Glass Houses, my as yet unpublished memoir. Besides adding an element of humor to the story, it also happens to be true. Where self-awareness is concerned, I’m especially obtuse. For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved to write. Out-of-town friends and relatives still talk about the long, chatty letters I wrote them dating back to the 60s. The journal I’ve kept since 1982 now includes nearly twenty volumes. All that and the professional articles, consumer fact sheets, news articles, and blog posts I’ve written over the years would fill a trunk or two. But more than enjoyment, I am compelled to write. Something drives me to …

I recently heard a cancer survivor on the radio encouraging listeners to live every day like it was the last. I’ve heard this sage advice many times. It always strikes me as heroic, particularly when it comes from someone who has dealt with something as scary as cancer. So I got to thinking about what I would do if I really thought today was going to be my last day. I would certainly make a lot of changes. Just thinking about it excites me. If I knew I would die tomorrow, here’s a list of the things I would do today. Stop exercising.  It’s too late now so forget about it.  I’ve never enjoyed sweating–even during sex.  I grew up …

If you’re wondering why I haven’t updated you on my weight loss progress, it’s because there hasn’t been any. The good news is that I’ve lost a bit more than twenty pounds since May. The bad news is that I’ve not lost an ounce for the last three weigh-ins. At least I haven’t gained. The large bowl of ice cream I have every night at bedtime has absolutely nothing to do with my inability to lose weight. I swear, it’s true. Pity the fool who comes between me and my nightly ice cream treat. Just ask my partner. The major reason for the lack of progress, or so I tell myself, is that I haven’t been able to ride my …

Okay. I drink a lot of coffee. In recent years I’ve cut back…some. We’re still a two-pot-a-day household but now the afternoon pot is only eight cups instead of the twelve my mornings require. In my humble opinion, the coffee we make at home is the best anywhere. We have a Cuisinart Grind-N-Brew coffeemaker and only use Eight O’Clock coffee beans. I put the beans and water in at night, push the button, and at exactly six o’clock the next morning, the sound of the beans grinding wakes us up. The second pot goes on as soon as I get home from work–earlier on weekends. Years ago, I put cream and sugar in my coffee. That stopped when my coworkers …

Growing up, we never really had a dog. Yeah, for a very brief time I had Poochy and Amelia. But my parents sent them to the pound well before either dog’s first birthday.  When I got an apartment, I wanted a dog. But I lived in a third floor apartment in a complex that prohibited pets. So I got my first cat. I tell the tragic story of all these pets in Glass Houses. When my partner and I got together nearly ten years ago, I had two middle-aged cats. Because my first three cats died tragically (two hit by cars), Damien and Sadie were inside-only cats. They were with me when my twelve-year relationship with my first partner ended, …

Regular readers know I spend entirely too much time watching television and that I have a particular fondness for trashy reality shows. It’s true. Jerry Springer, Real Housewives (especially Atlanta and New Jersey), Toddlers and Tiaras and other, equally offensive shows are regular fare. I can’t help myself. The new television season kicks off next week. Having tired of summer repeats, In search of something new to watch, I’ve been pouring through the blue channel–you know, the one that shows the full schedule of every channel. Here’s a list of shows that caught my eye, only to disappoint. Dance Moms. I envisioned a show similar to So You Think You Can Dance and Dancing with the Stars featuring a group …

Whenever possible, I try to write a new post here on the blog at least two or three times a week. Lately ye olde blog has moved to the back burner.  Without a dose of my wry sense of humor and insightful observations, I’m guessing many of you have had a totally shitty week. I’m sorry. Between travel, a hectic schedule at work, the start of the football season, and ongoing attempts to launch my writing career, I’ve been busier than usual. Believe me, it sucks for me, too. September and October are always busy months at work. Because of a new grant and several big projects, this year has been even busier than usual. You won’t hear me complain–at …

I had my appointment with the retina specialist today. There were a few people waiting in the hallway, and the main waiting room was full. I took a seat in the nearly empty overflow waiting room and started catching up on Words with Friends on my cellphone. A sweet little old lady who had driven a member of her church to the appointment from Elberton was deep in conversation with a young woman who had driven her father from Buford.  As usual, the doctor was running behind. I eaves-dropped on their conversation for a good half hour. The older woman reminded me a lot of my Aunt Toodles. She was upbeat and positive about everything and told several funny stories …

Several months ago I hired a professional editor to take a look at Glass Houses. Due to other commitments, it took her a while to get to my manuscript. Today I (finally) received her review. The five-page review was actually better than I expected. Her criticisms were nothing I hadn’t heard before, and included several ideas for how we might address them. Her thoughtful review emphasized the positive and helped me to see a way to fix problems I’ve known about since finishing the memoir. Her review focused on general comments, strengths of the manuscript, and recommended revisions. The general comments revolved around narrowing down the storyline, selecting major characters (rather than the cast of thousands in the current draft), …

I fully expected to get a lot of writing done over the long weekend.  With my partner being out of town and a rainy forecast, I hoped to make significant forward progress on Addicted, my first work of fiction. Unfortunately, aside from a few new posts here on the blog, I haven’t gotten any writing done. The writer’s group met yesterday and critiqued chapters twenty through twenty-three of Addicted. The regulars all agreed it was my best work to date. I was thrilled. Normally I spend the Sunday after a writer’s group meeting following through with all the suggestions they made about my manuscript. Last night it took me all of twenty minutes to make the changes they suggested. I …

My partner’s dad recently purchased a house on Panama City Beach. For the long weekend, he decided to go down for a little rest and relaxation and to check out the new digs. Mostly because my writer’s group meets today, I opted to stay home. We knew the tropical depression that would become Tropical Storm Lee was bearing down on the area. But the forecasters didn’t expect it to reach hurricane status, and they predicted it would make landfall quite a ways west of Panama City Beach. We agreed the storm was no reason for him to change plans. Normally, he’d take Tico with him. His chihuahua travels well, adores my partner, and pouts anytime he gets left behind. But …

The selection of Chaz Bono as a contestant has certainly generated a lot of buzz about the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars. In case you’ve been sleeping under a rock, Chaz underwent female-to-male gender transition a few years ago. For the totally clueless, his parents are Sonny Bono and Cher. Conservative religious groups like One Million Moms (an affiliate of the American Family Association, identified by the Southern Poverty Law Center as a hate group) are asking like-minded thinkers(a term I use loosely here) to boycott the show. Apparently, they’re afraid that seeing a transgendered person on television will cause their child to become dissatisfied with his or her current gender. Never mind the message of intolerance the …

Over the weekend I noticed our internet connection had slowed to near dial-up speed. Dripping faucets, cabinets that won’t quite close, and cobwebs along the edge of our fourteen foot ceilings I can live with. But given the amount of time I spend online, a slow internet connection required immediate action. First I rebooted the computer. No change. Next I turned off the wireless router and again rebooted the computer. Same story.  Then I disconnected the cheap-ass cable modem we rent from the cable company for $5 a month because I keep forgetting to buy one, turned off the wireless router, and again rebooted the computer. No luck. Charter Communications is the cable monopoly in our area. Given my experience …