Why I’ll Never Rule the World

After reading some of my recent posts, quite a few people suggested that I run for political office. I appreciate the vote of confidence, but it ain’t gonna happen. Try as you might, you’ll never be able to talk me into it either. Here are just a few of the reasons why I would never run for political office.

1. Geography. If I had my druthers, I’d jump right into the big time and run for President. But you can’t do that. You have to work your way up through local elections. I’m a gay liberal in a conservative state and an agnostic living in the Bible belt. I couldn’t get elected as the dogcatcher.

2. Finances. With enough money, I could overcome the obstacles listed in number one. As I see it, there are really only two ways I could come up with that kind of money: Either win the lottery or get elected as a Senator or a U.S. Representative. Ironic, don’t you think?

3. No Party Affiliation. I can’t support any political party. In the current political environment, without a shit ton of money it’s just about impossible to win an election as an independent candidate. I’ve been a Democrat in the past, and will likely continue to vote a straight Democratic ticket–but only because there are no alternatives and I don’t want to throw my vote away.

4. Desire for Balance in My Life. I have a bunch of interests besides work that require a lot of my time. Frankly, I’m not willing to give that up. I work hard and am considered by my peers to be a productive person. Unless it’s absolutely necessary, I refuse to work nights and weekends and will bust my ass from 8 to 5 to get my work done. Ruling the world would take too much time. 🙂

5. I HATE Meetings. Ruling the world would require butt-numbing meetings day in and day out. Unlike our elected leaders and some people I know, I’d rather get something done than spend hours talking about what we could do. If I ruled the world, meeting longer than sixty minutes, meeting without an agenda, and talking at meetings to hear yourself talk would all be federal crimes.

6. History. I don’t mean world history. I’m talking about my past. That I inhaled is one of the more innocuous things just about anyone could turn up without too much effort at all. Opposition researchers would have a field day.

7. Brutal Honesty. Ask me what I think and I’ll tell you. Living in the Deep South for the last fifteen years has toned that down a bit. As a result, I won’t lie, but I will sometimes keep my mouth shut rather than saying something I know the other person doesn’t want to hear. I don’t see that working very well in a campaign environment.

8. Bias. In general, I don’t get along with crusty old white men. I’m also highly suspicious of corporate types and believe most corporations are out to put it to whoever they can to make a buck. Since crusty old white men and corporate types currently run things, I’d have to spend all my time with people I really don’t like. Life is too short.

So there you have it. I might have some good ideas, but I am totally unelectable. So instead of ruling the world, I’ll content myself with bossing my partner and the dogs around here in…

My Glass House

3 responses to “Why I’ll Never Rule the World”

  1. I hope I live to see the day when crusty, old, white men are the minority in our government. I want people who have inhaled (and done worse) in office. Those people have lived. They have some perspective. Just because you’ve lived your life as a boy scout, doesn’t mean that you know how to run the government. It just means that you were too scared or repressed to take any chances.
    I’d vote for you, Michael!