Search Me

WordPress — the host for my web page — tracks the number of visitors to the site and page views, how visitors found me (Twitter now eclipses Facebook), and all kinds of interesting tidbits. I don’t pay much attention anymore, but every now and then I like to see what search terms have brought visitors to my site.

For the first time ever, “Michael Rupured” is the number one search term, with three spelling variations also in the top fifty. I really don’t think I’m famous enough for stalkers. The correct spelling suggests people see my name somewhere and then look me up. I suspect more than a few are coworkers or colleagues from my day job.

Number two is “Daddy chasers,” with numerous variations and related searches including “daddy michael gay “(also “michael gay daddy” and “gay daddy michael)” and “gay daddy.” I doubt they were looking for me. Hehe.

The main draw, however, is my macular degeneration. Fifteen of the top fifty search terms refer to Eylea — the medication injected into my left eye about every eight weeks to keep my macular degeneration from getting any worse. Do the injections work? For me, the answer is yes. But Eylea is a treatment, not a cure, so don’t expect to return to 20-20 vision.

Super hunk William Levy, exercise queries, and fancy running shoes round out the list of frequently used search terms. Despite my proclamations of lust, William never contacted me. So I’ve moved on. If you’re trying to become a gym rat, persistence and a gym club membership too expensive to waste are the keys. I’m on my second pair of fancy running shoes — Brooks again, because I love them.

Here are my favorite searches, with answers in case the same search brings people to this post. Most were only used one time. Still…

Penis size an indicator of masculinity. Absolutely and unfortunately not. I’ve spent 35 fruitless years looking for a reliable indicator. Some very masculine men have tiny little peckers, and more than a few drag queens are hung like donkeys.

Male pattern baldness mullet. I’m guessing users of this search term are middle-aged men, desperately seeking a cool look for a changing hairline. There were also several “widow’s peak mullets” on the list. Don’t.

Bubble guppies naked. I had to Google Bubble Guppies and found out it’s a television series for preschoolers. Ew! Sick bastard.

Shira zumba porn. I’m intrigued, and more than a little surprised. I knew my good friend and fellow author Shira Anthony exercised, but had no idea she was into Zumba.

Religious homophobia humor. Not funny.

Muffin top speedo. Why? No wait — I don’t think I want to know.

Do glitz pageant girls become strippers? Not all of them. Some become hookers.

Is it illegal to masturbate in an owned duplex? Depends on where you live and whether or not the blinds are drawn.

Toodles pictures having sex. OMG! My chihuahua is not that kind of girl. Who are you?

Is Joe Bastaniach uncircumcised? I have no idea. But if he’s not, I bet there are a lot of former contestants from his show with Gordon Ramsey who’d be happy to snip it for him.

And there you have it. Any more questions?

2 responses to “Search Me”

  1. My mom has been getting shot of eyela for 2 years. All wet macula gone! Yes GONE. SHE GETS NO MORE SHOTS! Is this normal? She is amazed she has not had a shot since dec of 2013? Would love to hear from others. She’s 85 and her doctor said its unusual. But can happen!

    • That’s great! My retina specialist says there is no cure — the injections just keep it from getting any worse. Has her vision improved? I need to check with my doctor to be sure, but I believe mine hasn’t been “wet” for a while now, but the swelling persists and my vision has deteriorated. I’ll definitely mention this to him when I see him again later this month. Thanks for stopping by!