The Crotchety Old Man

Patience is not among my strengths. Never has been. Waiting for my COVID-19 vaccination, completion of the renovation, and the end of cold weather has me a bit antsy. Throughout my childhood and well into my teens, I didn’t sleep a wink on Christmas Eve. Anticipation built for weeks. By December 24th, sleep was impossible. Christmas is date certain. Come hail or high water, it’s December 25th. Knowing the date made counting down possible, and that made waiting easier. Kind of. I’m waiting for open-ended stuff. Work on the house is on track to finish by the end of the month — probably. I’ve registered for the vaccine, but have no idea when my number will come up. I’m not …

Surprise! Gardening made my list of retirement activities. Like nobody saw that coming. Few things make me happier than puttering around in the garden. Starting a flat of seed, turning over ground for a new flower bed, or setting out plants provide instant gratification. The rewards keep coming too — for weeks, months and even years. I’m growing mostly annuals for now. They’re easy, colorful, bloom for months, and I can change things up every year. They’re also high maintenance. I don’t care. I’m retired. Permanent plantings would be more cost effective, but I can’t decide what I want. Even if I could commit, drainage issues need to be resolved first. After a big rain, my lawn resembles a rice …

February 2nd has long been my favorite day of the year. Call me skeptical, but I couldn’t care less about some groundhog. Shadow or not, the possibility of spring weather being just six weeks away lifts my spirits. Cold weather and I fell out in college. The rift started in high school. Snow was fun — until I got my driver’s license. Resentment simmered for years, boiling over every time I had to walk to class in sub-zero temperatures, blinding snow, or bone-chilling wind. Gardening pushed me over the edge. Freezing temperatures became the enemy. I wished for the end of winter with more urgency. Even in Kentucky, where cold weather persists into May, I never stopped hoping for an …

Although I live alone in a 1200 square-foot house, storage is an issue. There’s plenty of space, filled with stuff I rarely or never use. That’s why a massive purge made my list of retirement plans. The remodeling projects somewhat forced my hand. Between painting every room and replacing all the carpet, I have to move everything anyway. No point putting stuff back I no longer want or need. Doing the whole house is the only way to go. Reorganizing one space tends to spill over to another. Managing the spread is the challenge. To move out of the master bath for the renovation, I first had to clear everything out of a hall closet and the tiny, rarely used …

Fixing up the house made my list of retirement activities. As I have no desire to move again, this is my forever home. A year of social isolation and way too much HGTV have inspired a desire to make better use of the space and how it works for me. I spend the majority of my waking hours in my recliner or at the coffee table on the footstool Toodles uses to jump onto the couch. The coffee table is my desk, dining area, and financial center. The dining room is home to my orchids and seed-starting operation. I use the office as a walk-in closet. Phase 1 (in process) is to renovate the master bath. Deciding to go from …

Winter in Athens has been fairly mild so far. We’ve had frost on windshields many mornings, but only one when the mercury dropped below 25. I covered what I could and crossed my fingers. Everything survived — including plants I was not able to cover. Aside from scattered blossoms, annual flowers have hunkered down and are focused on root development. Dense crowns have replaced scraggly stems. We’re not out of the woods yet, but more roots increase the likelihood of surviving a hard freeze. The veggies are doing great. I’ve been cutting spinach leaves for omelets, salads, and stir-fries. Heads have formed on the broccoli, and little beets and turnips are visible beneath the foliage. Peas and Brussels sprouts look …

Keeping my blog going is #2 on my list of retirement activities. Why keep blogging? Good question. My best answer is more excuse than justification. I enjoy writing. Blogging feels more constructive than journaling and is a lot easier than knocking out another novel. This blog and my reasons for keeping it have often changed. Initially, the Crotchety Old Man bitched about things that pissed me off. When my anger issues proved insufficient to keep it going, I expanded to other topics. I wrote a memoir (including many blog posts), joined a writing group, and penned my first novel. I confess to believing my contract and advance were equivalent to winning the lottery. Millions of fans would flock to my …

I am not a Republican. Although registered as a Democrat, I’m not a dyed-in-the-wool supporter. I’m not big on identity politics and am not a single-issue voter, but freely admit support for gay issues often moves me to vote for Democrats. I believe in the party system. Leadership positions I’ve held have shown me the value of diverse points of view. Hearing opinions other than mine has been extremely helpful and often moved me to alter my position or even change my mind. Solving problems requires agreement on the facts of the matter. Differences of opinion about how to respond to those facts are legitimate and worth discussing. Manufactured facts shut down the process and eliminate any hope of a …

Writing in my journal tops my list of retirement activities. I’ve kept a journal for more than four decades and counting. Over the years, my reasons for writing and the frequency of entries have often varied. If there’s any pattern, it’s that I write when I must. A pen an ink journal is the only option. Anything else is too easily edited as I write or later. Editing as I go wastes time. Lots. I can spend hours wordsmithing a first sentence. Beyond scratching out a word or two, ink prevents self- editing. I prefer bound journals with lined pages. Binding keeps me from ripping anything out. Lines save time too. Without them, I’d drive myself crazy trying to keep …

As of January 1, I’m officially retired. Friends ask what I’m going to do. The short answer: Whatever the hell I want. Living my best life is the goal. Figuring out what that looks like is the challenge. Rarely leaving the house for most of 2020 was good practice, a learning experience, and a chance to think about life after work. Moving is unlikely. Athens is a great place to live. I love the historic vibe, the tight-knit community, and the mild climate. Unlike anywhere else, I know my way around enough to get where I need to go and have friends who are happy to drive when I can’t. Travel is doubtful. Vision issues prevent me from driving and …

Planting a vegetable garden is a risky venture. Experience helps, but luck always plays a role. A winter garden is especially tricky. Sub-freezing temperatures can be fatal. A two-day cold snap this past week had me holding my breath. When it comes to winter weather in Athens, anything is possible. My first year here, the temperature stayed below zero for several days. That’s rare. More often, the temperature will fall below freezing for maybe an hour or two early in the morning. Even before the freeze, the lettuce was iffy. I suspect the transplants had been in pots too long when I bought them. Except for some butter-crunch in pots, none of the lettuce survived the cold snap. Most of …

Toodles surprised me this year with everything I need for my own seed-starting operation. I’m guessing my sweet little dog thinks her thoughtful gift will keep me at home. She knows me so well. I’ve mostly avoided planting anything permanent. There are many reasons, but the biggest is a deep and abiding affection for annuals. I especially enjoy experimenting with new varieties and changing things up every year. I started off small enough for a few twelve-packs from the garden center to do the trick. My flower beds expand a bit every year and nearly doubled in the past few months. Relying less on garden centers and more on home-grown plants makes sense and (theoretically) saves money. Seed catalogs offer …

My first garden (Garden 1.0) was on someone else’s property — a duplex with a fenced-in yard and a patio. I may have gone overboard a wee bit. Over the next few years, “a little color” along the patio morphed into a flowerbed that covered maybe half the yard. Garden 2.0 was literally an overnight success. The last load from the duplex was a pickup truck filled with shovels-full of plants I wanted. Good thing. The landlord mowed everything the very next day. I planted the truckload of blooming plants late that night. The neighbors were amazed next morning. Garden 2.0 was also my introduction to plant and seed catalogs. Not since the Sears & Roebuck Christmas catalogs of my …

The way buying and listening to music keeps changing has long pissed me off. I’ve gone through vinyl, 8-track tapes, cassette tapes, compact discs, MP3s and a variety of music players and streaming apps. With the possible exception of the awful 8–track, each has pros and cons. Spotify, however, tops them all and keeps me decidedly less crotchety. Though many consider vinyl the gold standard, it ain’t perfect. My favorite albums had warps, skips, sticks and other flaws that messed with the sound. Listening to one or two specific songs was too much work. I’d stack three or four of my favorites on the turntable (hence all the damage) and would eventually end up liking the entire side. My album …

This week marks nine months of working from home. The residents of my bubble (me and Toodles) elected not to celebrate the holidays. We talked about a party but decided to follow expert advice and avoid social gatherings. To be totally honest, Toodles was never a fan of the party idea. Crowds aren’t really her thing. For her, two is perfect and three is a potential riot. ANTIFA and Proud Boys are everywhere. Though we generally agree on politics, we do have our differences. I think she should go out the doggie door to our fenced-in backyard without me. She disagrees, and insists I’m stingy with the treats. No matter the fight, we never go to bed angry. Pandemic fatigue …