Ten Things I Never Do Anymore

Change is a fact of life. No, I don’t mean nickels, dimes, and quarters. I’m talking about things being different than they were before, largely as a result of progress. Thinking about changes in my own life, I came up with ten things I don’t do anymore — some thanks to progress, others due to advancing age.

Print Photographs. The days of having rolls of film laying around waiting to be developed are over. Now I’ve got hundreds of pictures I never would have taken before that, unless I post them on Facebook, nobody will ever see. Damn smartphones.

Fry Chicken. To tell you the truth, I’m not much intro frying anything these days. Health has less to do with my frying boycott than hating to clean up the mess. I’ll grill, bake, microwave, or hit a drive-through window for KFC first. While we’re on the subject, unless I buy the whole bird already roasted, I don’t buy chicken on the bone anymore either — just boneless breasts.

Blow Dry My Hair. I can’t even talk about it without tearing up. Except for when I dry Toodles after her a bath, the dryer stays in a bathroom cabinet.

Talk on the Telephone. Except for all the telemarketing calls, I miss my landline. Regular conversations with my mother eat up ninety percent of the monthly minutes on my cell plan. I no longer have the attention span a good phone conversation requires either. Damn smartphones.

Wax Floors. Being persnickety about floors, I’ve spent hours over the years waiting for the wax to dry on my linoleum and hardwood. Hours on my hands and knees inhaling wax remover fried an untold number of brain cells. Now I’m a damp mop guy.

Mend Clothing or Iron. Like I’ve ever sewed on a button, patched a hole in my pants, or even replaced broken shoestrings. Nonetheless, I’ve kept two needles and three spools of thread for nearly thirty years — just in case. I don’t even own an iron. Occasions when a few wrinkles matter are rare enough I can drop something off at the dry cleaners.

Polish Shoes. If a wet rag doesn’t do the job, time for a new pair of shoes. I kept tins of polish, brushes, and buffing cloths for a long time, but ditched them years ago.

Sleep In. Whether I have to work or not, my body says get up between five and six every morning. On rare occasions, I’ll stay in bed until six-thirty. Meanwhile, I’ve become a big believer in long afternoon naps.

Go to the Movie. I worked in a movie theater as an usher back when twin theaters were new. The experience today has changed to the point I’d just as soon wait for the cable release. Damn smartphones.

Buy Sugar. Not so long ago, I used to buy a five pound bag of sugar just about every time I went to the store. The small box I have now has been in my cabinet for more than a year. 

That’s my ten. What about you? Anything you don’t do anymore? Inquiring minds want to know.

6 responses to “Ten Things I Never Do Anymore”

  1. Here’s three of mine for you to ponder:

    1. Wear pantyhose. I have adopted a pantyhose free lifestyle. Finding brands that fit properly was a PITA anyway. On the once every few years occasions when I dress to the nines in skirts, I buy a pair that is certain to run anyway and toss them out the next morning.

    2. Drink soda. A kidney stone persuaded me to give up diet colas and a desire to lose weight made water my favorite drink. Coffee. Tea. But soft drinks are off the menu and out of my fridge. I don’t even miss the stuff. I drink more alcohol than soda, which is notable because I drink maybe six alcoholic drinks a year, most on cruise ships or at GRL.

    3. High Heels. I am old enough no one really wants me to show off my shapely calves anyway, so I have tossed aside the stilettos. Safer and comfier all the way around. Ever try to run in those things?

    Thanks for the fun post, Michael!

  2. Life has changed SO much. I count myself lucky I’ll never again [I hope] have to drag in a zinc bath from the nail on the back of the shed and fill it up with a kettle. Shared bathwater UGH. Now it’s all nice immediate showers where the dirt sluices away instead of one having to sit in it.

    Like Tali I refuse to cripple my feet in the name of fashion. When I was a kid platforms were all the rage. An average sized girl could easily make six foot. The only good thing to be said for them is that we could reach the top shelf in the library.

    Food has changed. I’ll never have to eat a boiled to flouriness old potato again.

    Congratulations on being a GRL author.I hope you have a blast.

  3. Every single one of yours except I still buy a lot of sugar – have to work on that one. Oh – gave up print books in favor of ebooks.

    Any idea when we’ll be able to get your next book? I’m really looking forward to it.

    • Hi Andrea! I expect to hear something any day now about Happy Independence Day and expect it will be released in September–perhaps August. I’ll tweet, post on Facebook, and update my web site as soon as I know. Terrence is the main character 😀