WARNING: This post contains GRAPHIC images of a playful bitch* enjoying her bath. If that kind of thing floats your boat, please, get help.

My six-pound chihuahua sleeps with me and is the best cuddle buddy I’ve ever had. I sleep on my side, and Toodles sleeps under my chin all snuggled into my armpit. When I turn over, she climbs up on the pillow and goes around my head to assume her rightful place on the other side. Given the intimacy of our relationship, she gets a lot of baths.

Step One is to gather the materials: shampoo, towel, blow dryer, and brush. I’m not picky about the shampoo — as long as it smells good. Toodles doesn’t seem to care either.

Having observed the first step in progress, she knows what’s coming. So the second step is to retrieve Toodles from under the bed. She doesn’t run from me, but coaxing her to come out requires a lot of sweet talk.

Once things get rolling, she really doesn’t mind. In fact, I think she enjoys her baths. The next step is to wet her down. Yes, that’s my kitchen sink. That’s what I love about 1) having a tiny dog and 2) being a grown ass man.

Then I splash a big dollop of shampoo on her back and lather her up. Judging from the way her tail wags the whole time, this may be her favorite part — like a good massage all over.

Rinse, and of course, repeat. She gets a little anxious whenever the water comes near her head. I wash her face with a wash cloth.

Then she gets swabbed with the towel which I wasn’t coordinated enough to photograph, and blown out.

She’ll sit there until I’m finished drying her, however long it takes. The last step…and the one she’s waiting for here…

Is the treat she gets for being such a good dog.

*No chihuahuas were harmed during the production of this blog post.