The Crotchety Old Man

Category: Call Me Stupid

  • Wishful Thinking Disorder

    Confession time. Wishful Thinking Disorder (WTD) has plagued me for as long as I can remember. WTD is essentially optimism on steroids. My glass isn’t just half-full — It’s going to run over any day now. This time of year is particularly difficult for WTD gardeners. Symptoms kick into high gear around Ground Hog’s Day.…

  • Mystery Tomato Identified

    The wild and crazy Cherokee Purple tomato plant featured a couple of posts ago continues to grow much faster than my other tomatoes. The vines are twice as tall and extend beyond the top of the cage. The other three tomato plants don’t even come close. The giant plant is covered with clusters of fruit.…

  • The Cure for My Genre Identity Issues

    I recently shared about giving up on writing novels and accidentally discovering the problem with my abandoned manuscripts. Confusion about how to proceed with the trilogy I envisioned prompted me to turn to the gods of the internet for help. A few clicks later, I stumbled upon the cure for my writing woes. My problem is embarrassingly basic.…

  • My Genre-Identity Issues

    My process for crafting a novel is entirely organic. That’s a snooty way of saying I have no idea what I’m doing. I get an idea, and, with little forethought or planning, start writing. The plot, subplots, and characters evolve along the way until, with any luck, the story comes together. My first four attempts at writing…

  • A History of Porn

    In the eighth grade I saw my first pornography. A neighbor a year or two older than me was showing off his dirty magazine collection. I’d seen lots of Playboys and a Penthouse or two, but nothing as graphic as the photos in his collection. Where my neighbor found his dirty magazines is a mystery.…

  • Pleading Ignorance

    Recent events got me to pondering the difference between ignorance and stupidity. Neither is in short supply. The good news is that one is fixable. Despite a lack of formal training, I consider myself to be an expert on ignorance and stupidity. Life has taught me all I need to know. Decades of observations and more than fifty…

  • Back to Windows

    Four years ago this month, I switched from Windows to Apple at home and at the office. I love the way all three devices (iMac at work, Macbook Air at home, and an iPhone wherever I may be) worked together. Life was good. I’m still happy with my iPhone. When I switched wireless providers (that half-price…

  • A 5K to Remember

    My first 5K event took place in January of 2009. I signed up to run in the Chilly Dawg because it  was sponsored by my employer.  The plan was to walk it, but I quit before I even reached the half way point. In 2011 I ran in the Sleighbell.  Having failed miserably at my first…

  • Traumatized

    Someone very near and dear is dealing with serious addiction issues. Since this time last year, I’ve watched his life spin out of control. A month ago, the shit hit the fan. I first got concerned about a year ago. He was late for a dinner date by several hours and hadn’t called or anything. When…